i feel like such a mom and i hate it.
i want to be fun and desired and flighty and adventurous and i want to go to bars and i want to go to vegas and i want to feel like somebody somewhere is just absolutely crazy about me.
i want to feel that way again.

it’s nice to feel comfortable and loved and safe and welcome and needed, but i want more than that.
and i won’t ever have that again.
and it’s really depressing.